The truth beneath the scales.

Beneath the surface of numbers.

A person’s relationship with scales is like that of marmite, you either like the result or you do not.  I don’t know about anybody else but I get on the scales every time expecting the number to have risen by half a stone over night (I mean, sometimes it does). I have never stepped on the scales without a huge feeling of anxiety shadowing my whole body. Left foot on, right foot on, looking straight forward. I will always wait 3 seconds to allow an accurate figure, counting down in my head. 3, 2, 1, swallow, look down. Chin first, eyes dragging behind, BOOM. It’s the same weight as yesterday, 2kg heavier than yesterday, 1kg lighter than yesterday, each day a new mystery.

I reached the age of 21. Id’e be prepping for my next fightand it would look like this: 5 weeks until fight night, 5kg to lose. 1 week until fight night, bang on weight. Next, 24 hours until fight night, 3kg under. The evening of the fight, 2kg over. This was a common occurrence and not one fight would pass where I didn’t have masses of anxiety on my final weigh-in, it was always a mystery. I would look at my coach swearing I was on weight this morning. Before this story gets twisted, I would like to add that my coach was very understanding. He would always praise me, keep me relaxed and I will always look forward to those post-fight curry’s. This was nothing more than my own mind and body playing tricks along wish different scales and floor levelling.

Weight Fluctuation

2020, February, away fight in Devon at 74kg, I won and carried my undefeated status. My next fight would be my biggest fight to date, April tournament. My first tournament and first chance to make my name fly in the boxing ranks. Happy.

2020, March, Covid-19 Lockdown. 1 year later, still in lockdown. Now 89kg and 12 months out of training awaiting a start date to my first Personal Training position. The anxiety of stepping on the scales had been overshadowed by my anxiety of stepping back into the boxing gym with my added weight-gain. ‘Easily lost’ we would all tell each other. Unhappy and struggling to adjust to my new body.

2020, August, still in and out of lockdown with many restrictions. Currently, 94kg (heaviest ever) I have started my new position as a personal trainer and am highly enjoying the weight training alongside my standard cardio sessions. Happy.

1 year later

2021, August. I am still carrying that 20kg’s. I did lose the weight, had around 5kg to go but then I fell poorly with Covid, Pneumonia and some nerve damage putting me in a hospital bed for weeks, walking on crutches and being sent home bed bound to recover.

2021, December. Still 13kg heavier but now the National Boxing female champion (awaiting being told yet another lockdown, lol). I am the strongest I have ever been.

So, why? Why as a personal trainer with fitness and body image being the fall front of my career am I happy with added weight gain? Why does the scale figure no longer bother me? Why am I strong and comfortable? Here’s why.

The things the scales can tell you:

• Your weight in numeric figures. (Literally a number that determines your body’s relationship with gravity).

The things the scales cannot tell you:

• Your exact muscle to body fat percentage.
• Your water weight.
• Your strength levels.
• Your body shape.
• How beautiful you are.
• How pure and kind your personality is.
• How radiant your smile is.
• How great your hair smells.
• How you inspire people daily with your confidence and self peace.
• How incredibly loved you are.
• How your walk draws in 1000 eyes.
• How bright your future can be with the removal of self-doubt.

In my own journey of self-approval, I learnt confidence. I still endure bad days where I hate my body, how I look, how I feel and what the scales say, these days are rare and often after a bad week at work where I’ve not manged to fit as much exercise in as normal.

Balance is key.

From a point in life where I would not eat, checking the scales 5x per day and after every piece of food that passed my lips. Being happy with my weight but obsessed with the feeling of when I seen the scale figure drop. When I lost the weight it was the stretch marks. My next victim to demolish and stress over, something I had never cared about before. Now after gaining some weight back I don’t even notice the stretch marks. You see the cycle?

• Unhappy with one thing.
• Change that 1 thing.
• Focus on the next ‘thing’ that you’re not happy with.
• Change that.
• Pick out another flaw you would never have noticed before.

I mean, lets not forget what’s important here. I am nowhere near promoting excessive weight gain if that is what ‘makes you feel good’, after studying the human body for years, this would be wrong of me to promote against health and well-being. All im saying is, you do not have to be of 3% body fat in order to appear beautiful and loveable.

You do not need to look like the photoshopped models in order to gain attention whilst walking into a bar.