Pregnancy Reality

‘Chinese Whispers’

Co-Mommas, let me portray to you just how prepared I was…

We’ve all heard it all before, right? They say, ‘pack your hospital bag, 3 weeks early, just in case. Oh yes, you will need a minimum of 5 outfits, all sizes.’ ‘Is the nursery ready yet, have you enough sudocrem?’ Questions, opinions, statements. ‘Talc causes breathing problems. Wipes, never, only use water and cotton wool…’ Then, just as you bulk buy, ‘You should reads the reviews on those nappies, they gave my new born a rash…’ – Said every parent about every different nappy brand on the planet!

Both overwhelmed and confused, this is nowhere near exciting anymore.

Regardless, I was set. Ready for the birth of my new-born baby. I had spent the best of 9 months preparing myself, relaxing, applying oils to my skin, bathing for hours, building cribs, giving in to my cravings of chillies on toast and half-melted ice cream. I spent days researching and watching ‘how to’ YouTube tutorials; Baby massage, swaddling, bathing, feeding. My, I even learnt how to French braid hair in case I was having a girl.

I fell in love with the new addition to my body. A bump of uncertainty but overall excitement. I would rub the bump, talk to the bump, wear tight fitting clothes accordingly to praise the bump. At this point I truly knew what it is like to be at one with my body. At least, I thought I did.

 See, you notice the marks start to appear, obviously, they are itchy as hell! However, you are informed that they will eventually fade, they will be ‘unnoticeable’. You take their word for it and continue soothing the itch with oils and creams.

For they talk so much. So much about preparation. Preparation for lack of sleep, lack of hygiene, lack of time and friendships. However, they failed to inform me on the preparations of the most important things… The things that have the biggest effect, long term, post-partum, both physically and mentally.

For the record, my skin did not glow, my hair was not thick. Doors were not help open for me and no, I was not offered a seat when all were used up. If anything, leaving the house was just the start of my confidence and self worth being stripped away piece by piece by society and their views. I was 20 , to them, a child, merely just throwing my life away. Both, uncapable and unaware.

Emotions become that of a lightning bolt in a thunderstorm. For a strange moment you are happy, content, your emotions are at bay. Then, out of nowhere, bang. A short mention of your weight gain, the patch on your top where milk has leaked through your bra. A passing comment made by your partners family on what’s best for the baby. You are overcome with this flash of…Everything? Humiliation, fear, uncertainty, a moment of rage, madness.

You spend hours on your bed, in the shower, over the kitchen sink shedding tears of raw emotion. Emotions you were yet to experience. Just to be told that this is normal, baby blues they call it. We wipe our tears and continue our laundry with the constant reminder by everyone around us that ‘this should be the happiest time of your life and it will all be worth it in the end.’

For sure, its not all doom and gloom. There are happy tears amongst the sadness. There are smiles that mirror the frowns. It would be easy for me to sit at this table writing about the excitement of pram shopping trips, the weird and wonderful cravings and the joy of gender reveals that are shown so often on social media. The things we witness daily but often pass in a moment.

The point is, society’s perception on pregnancy is that of a game of Chinese whispers. For there are so many hidden secrets within those 9 months that we are unable to speak of. We can be told the story and we can tell the story, but overall, its blurred, its twisted and just a fraction on reality.